India loves the idea of educated daughters, but who foots the bill? Let’s untangle this web of education, marriage, and family economics.
Girl Education, an Investment That Benefits the In-Laws
In many Indian families, educating daughters is seen as a noble investment. Parents often stretch their finances to ensure their daughters get the best schooling and, increasingly, professional degrees. But the harsh reality? Once she’s married, the benefits of her education—her earnings, skills, and contributions—mostly flow to her in-laws’ family.
The Indian Government tries its best to make education free of girls and provide all sorts of benefits to Indian daughters, but for the society that still doesn’t seem enough. A mother of a bride in Delhi put it bluntly “We educated our daughter so she could stand on her own feet, but everything she earns now is spent in her marital home. What do we get? Only society’s approval for raising a ‘good’ daughter.”
The cycle repeats itself. Daughters become the silent contributors to households they barely belong to, while their own families struggle to recover the costs of raising and educating them.
Boys Are Intimidated by Confident Women
Education often shapes women into independent thinkers. However, not every man—or his family—is ready to accept a confident, self-reliant bride. A survey conducted by a relationship counseling center in Mumbai revealed that 62% of young Indian men prefer marrying women with professional degrees but still expect them to prioritize home and family over a career.
Men like to boast about their wives’ achievements in public but feel insecure when their wives challenge their authority in private,” says Anamika Bhardwaj, a Gen Z relationship counselor. Is it any surprise that many confident, well-educated women find themselves labeled as “too ambitious” or “hard to adjust”?
A Doctor Bride and a Financial Tug-of-War (Real Story)
Take the story of Priya (name changed), a 28-year-old doctor from Chandigarh. After completing her MBBS, she wanted to pursue a master’s degree. Her in-laws, however, were against the idea. They argued that further education would delay her role in the family.
Priya’s father stepped in and offered to pay for her tuition. Surprisingly, the in-laws still resisted. Why? They expected Priya’s earnings during her studies to be handed over to her husband’s family instead of going back to her parents. It wasn’t about money, or may be it was” Priya recalls bitterly. It was about control—who benefits from my education, my parents or my in-laws.
Her case isn’t isolated. Thousands of women across India face similar power struggles. Families want educated brides but not at the expense of traditional gender roles.
Every Decision Is Economic, Including Dowry
In India, children are often treated as economic assets. Sons are seen as “returns on investment,” while daughters are considered “expenses.” To put it simply, all human decisions are economic in nature, we may not want to accept that, but this is the truth no one can dispute, but least admitted by people.
This mindset perpetuates the dowry system, albeit in modern forms. Parents often justify spending on their daughter’s education by calling it part of her “marriage package.” A software engineer father from Hyderabad admitted
“I educated my daughter not just for her future, but so she would attract a good match. A degree is like an extra jewel in her dowry.”
The result? The system remains intact, but its forms are more insidious.
The Societal Paradox: Educate Her, but Don’t Empower Her
Indian society sends mixed messages. It encourages girls to study and excel but places limits on how they can use their education.
A recent report from the Pew Research Center showed that while women in India are pursuing higher education in record numbers, only 23% of them participate in the workforce.
Why this gap? The same society that pushes women to achieve academic success penalizes them for seeking professional growth. Whether it’s workplace harassment, lack of childcare support, or pressure to conform to traditional roles, the barriers are endless.
The Gen Z and Millennial Take: A Silent Revolution Brewing
Younger generations are more vocal about questioning these norms. In a candid conversation, 26-year-old Aarav, a millennial marketing professional from Pune, shared his thoughts
“I want my wife to be independent, but I won’t lie—our parents’ expectations make it hard. They want a working daughter-in-law who still runs the house. It’s unrealistic.”
Gen Z brides, on the other hand, are bolder. Sneha, a 24-year-old architect, said “If my in-laws or husband don’t support my career, I’d rather stay single. What’s the point of compromising everything I worked for?”
The winds of change are blowing, but deeply ingrained societal structures make progress painfully slow.
How Can We Break This Cycle?
Solving this issue isn’t easy, but it starts with reshaping attitudes. Here are some practical suggestions from experts:
- Normalize Prenuptial Agreements: Relationship counselors suggest that families discuss financial responsibilities openly before marriage.
- Incentivize Equality: Governments could offer tax breaks or grants for households where both partners contribute equally to finances and family duties.
- Shift Narratives: Media campaigns need to challenge the idea that a daughter’s worth lies in her ability to benefit her husband’s family.
- Educate Sons: Schools should teach boys the value of mutual respect and partnership in marriage.
As relationship counselor Anita Mehra puts it, It’s not enough to educate our daughters. We must also unlearn the biases we’ve instilled in our sons.
Is the Sacrifice Worth It?
Parents dream of giving their daughters wings but often clip them in the process. Educating daughters isn’t the problem; it’s what comes after that needs rethinking.
When will society accept that a daughter’s education benefits more than just her in-laws? When will boys stop seeing independent women as threats? And when will we stop putting a price tag on our children’s futures? The answers lie in a collective shift in mindset. Until then, the question remains: who pays for our daughters’ dreams?
Shilpa Ahuja is the Editor-in-Chief of OpiniOwn. She has a Masters in Design Studies (MDesS) degree from Harvard University Graduate School of Design, class of 2011. She is also the founder of Shilpa Ahuja Media (SAM).
Shilpa’s work has been published in the University of Fashion and Jet Airways magazine. She is also the creator of Audrey O. comics. She enjoys creative writing and art. Her work has been exhibited at Harvard Graduate School of Design and the Aroma Hotel, Chandigarh and also been published in Chandigarh Times.
Originally from Chandigarh, Shilpa also has a professional degree in architecture and has worked in interior project management. She is also the author of the book “Designing a Chinese Cultural Center in India”. For feedback & questions, please email her at [email protected].