Staying with your parents post-marriage? It might be holding you back from independence and growth as a couple. Here’s why leaving is essential.
Independence is Only Earned When You Leave the Nest
Alright, let’s just be blunt here. Living with your parents after marriage keeps you in a permanent state of adolescence. Indian culture, rich as it is, has a bit of a flaw—encouraging married couples to stay with their families under one roof, which can lead to dependency that stunts real growth. As long as you stay at the comfort of your parents’ house, you will never learn what it truly means to be independent. It’s like a perpetual safety net that keeps you from experiencing the true trials and triumphs of being on your own.
Dr. Orion Taraban, a well-known psychologist, notes that “couples who have the chance to live independently often experience more personal growth and stronger relationship bonds.” Independence only comes when you start facing daily challenges by yourself, without relying on mom or dad to guide your every step. And yes, it’s uncomfortable and expensive, but that’s exactly the point—comfort zones are the enemy of growth.
Parental Interference Wrecks the Bond
Imagine a young couple I knew got married and moved into the husband’s parents’ home. What started as small, occasional advice quickly turned into full-blown interference. The parents constantly advised (read: commanded) them on what to do, from career choices to child-rearing. It was supposed to be “helpful” advice, but let’s be real—it was just meddling. Eventually, they felt suffocated, and their relationship started to crumble. Even simple decisions were clouded by the parents’ opinions.
In Indian households couples find it almost impossible to set boundaries. Parents may mean well, but constant involvement, especially when unsolicited, ends up doing more harm than good. Without that space to bond, the couple becomes more like roommates with benefits than partners. A couple needs room to breathe, to make their own mistakes, and to grow without someone hovering over them all day long.
Adversity is a Crucial Part of Growing Together
Adversity is what truly builds a relationship. When two people face hardships together, they get to see each other’s vulnerabilities, strengths, and flaws. Living away from parents means dealing with all the little challenges independently, from managing finances to household repairs. These struggles might sound minor, but they become the glue that holds a relationship together over time.
When a couple has ample space for themselves, it’s only natural that they become each other’s support system. This shared journey makes them stronger as a team, something that simply doesn’t happen when parents are around to catch them at every stumble. The hard way out is indeed the right way out. As they say, “Only when you’re forced to walk the hard road will you find what you’re truly made of.”
I’ve Seen Couples Fall Out of Love When Living Too Close to Parents
I’ve noticed something: couples who stay with their parents or even live too close tend to have a harder time maintaining their romantic connection. A few family dinners every now and then are fine, but when you’re living in each other’s pockets, the dynamics change. Family loyalty and respect are deeply ingrained in Indian culture, but sometimes this loyalty can strain a young marriage. Couples often end up prioritising their families’ needs over each other, and it’s no surprise that this weakens their bond.
Dr. Megha Jain, a psychologist specialising in family relationships, explains that proximity to parents can make it difficult for a couple to develop their own identity. When couples don’t have the freedom to be themselves and to grow on their own, they can end up feeling more like siblings than lovers.
Men, This Step is Especially Important for You
If we’re being real here, the reluctance to move out often comes more from men than women in Indian families. In traditional settings, it’s typically the son who’s expected to stay back and look after the parents. And while this sentiment is noble, the inability to leave can be what’s holding back a lot of men from becoming fully mature, independent partners.
My own maternal uncles are perfect examples as they never left their father’s house as they didn’t want to pay rent or they thought they would lose claim to their father’s house to other siblings, etc, instead cramming their wives and children into single rooms. Over the years, I have seen how these family dynamics built frustration, resentment, and an overall lack of fulfilment.
One could argue that this failure to launch is a symptom of cultural expectations, but it’s also a lack of willingness to take responsibility as an adult. A man’s identity in a marriage becomes fully formed only when he has his own space to nurture it.
Abhishek is a computer science graduate. He was too scared of programming so he pursued MBA. He then joined a management consulting firm but soon realised that without any real world and technical experience, consulting wasn’t real.
So he joined a bicycle manufacturing company as a marketing manager. There he got into the nitty-gritties of cycling and learned all about manufacturing, sales & distribution. But soon, things got too easy, so he quit and joined a media conglomerate, which would later give him and his wife the idea for SAM, their digital media business. His heart was still in cycling, so he rejoined the cycling company as product manager, which he truly aspired for. He got selected for a company sponsored executive MBA program at IIM-A, only to realise that it would make everybody around him jealous.
That sent him working in other business areas like corporate strategy, precision steel tube, exports, etc. After COVID-19 and becoming a father of twin children, he was made to quit. So he finally got the guts to leave the job-life once and for all, and run the media business he helped start.
Today he’s the co-founder of a media business along with his hot wife and also runs his investment fund. He is interested in writing about topics that no one wants to touch or discuss. Over the years Abhishek has come to realise how lucky and immature he has been and wants to repay the world with good karma.